Chocolate Sesame Oatmeal Cookies and the Werewolves

There is a scene in Collateral Beauty when Ed Norton’s character is talking to his ailing mother. “The werewolves, they’re meeting out front all hours of the night,” the elderly woman complains.  He replies, “But I got a raccoon friend.  He’s on the task force. He put a bug out there for me by the trash cans.” She seems comforted by this response.

Collateral Beauty is an okay movie.  It deals with tough themes like dementia, divorce, and death mostly by means of gaslighting.  Concepts—like love and time—are played by ideological actors pretending to represent these abstract notions in the flesh.

As things unfold, it becomes easier to believe that death personified might visit dressed in a blue beret and feather boa than swallow the premise. But what I like predominately is the bit about the raccoons conducting surveillance.  It is a nice reminder that reality is not our only means of survival.

Last week, I had minor surgery to remove a melanoma on my leg.  It was caught incredibly early. So early, in fact, that it was awarded a stage of 0. Except this cancerous numerical nil still necessitated that my skin be cut and sewn back together much like you might a Thanksgiving turducken. 

Even the nothingness kind of cancer can be an unwelcomed reminder of the flighty nature of one’s existence.  My coping techniques have tended to involve running on a treadmill until I get chest pain or opening a bottle of red wine.  (Sometimes both, depending on the day.)

Neither maladaptive method was available post surgery. Also, I needed the aid of a cane to walk.  As I hobbled, my anxiety slowly ramped up.  A day later I yelled at Brett for attempting to take a cookie out of the freezer.

At that moment I was unhinged with complete clearness. I reflected on the situation, and a little on my life.  Then apologized and resigned to bake another batch in contrition.

Luckily, the cookies are fairly easy to make and arrive buttery and nutty.  They lean on the side of crispy and, in my opinion, contain the right ratio of chocolate to cookie.  They are at once familiar and also new, thanks to the sesame. 

The original recipe called for halva, as well, but I took it out. For most of us, I think, life is complicated enough without having to hunt down goddamned sweet sesame fudge.  I am sure they would be fabulous with halva.  I love halva. But procuring halva does not need to stand in the way of these cookies.

That said, I do not want to convey this as a stress-free project. I find baking, while exhilarating once it is over, is often an exercise of doubt and self-loathing until the dessert can be verified as worthy of the time you lost making it. Perhaps you do too. If so, this is a task for which you will be rewarded.  Plus the cleanup provides another chance to practice the art of washing dishes, which the Buddhists are always taking about. 

I may need more time at the sink.

This process is yet another way to confront the werewolves. Plus, you will have a full batch of fresh cookies.  And they’re on the task force.

Chocolate Sesame Oatmeal Cookies

Adapted from Yotam Ottolenghi courtesy of The New York Times

Ingredients:

• 1 cup (115 grams) roughly chopped walnut halves
• 1 tablespoon white sesame seeds
• 5½ tablespoons (80 grams) unsalted butter, softened
• ¼ cup (50 grams) packed dark brown muscovado (or brown sugar)
• ½ cup (110 grams) granulated sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• ¼ cup (60 grams) tahini
• ⅓ cup (50 grams) all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• ½ teaspoon baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
• 1½ cups (140 grams) old fashioned rolled oats, pulsed a few times in a food processor
• ½ cup (70 grams) roughly chopped dark chocolate
• 1 teaspoon orange blossom water (optional)

Instructions:

Set the oven to 400 degrees.  On a baking sheet, place the walnuts and sesame seeds and toast them in the oven until they start to smell fragrant and turn golden (5 to 10 minutes). Remove from the heat; set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, add the butter and sugars and mix with a paddle attachment on medium speed for 2 to 3 minutes, or until light and fluffy.

Add the egg, vanilla, and 1½ tablespoons of water and continue mixing until well combined.  Blend in the tahini, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.

In a medium bowl, sift the flour, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt; mix in the oats. Stir in the walnuts and sesame seeds.

Add the dry ingredients to the wet and mix on low speed (or mix by hand using a rubber spatula) until just combined. Toss the chocolate in a dusting of flour and add them to the mix. Stir in the orange blossom water, if using.

Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.  Form the dough into 1½ to 2-inch balls and place them about 2 inches apart. The balls will be on the loose side and the mixture will look a bit like wet granola.

Bake for 7 minutes and then rotate the pan and bake another 5 to 7 minutes or until the cookies are golden brown at the edges.

Remove from the oven and place the pans on cooling racks for 5 minutes.  Transfer the cookies to the rack to completely cool.

Makes about 15 cookies

Notes:

1. I did not have the orange zest the original recipe called for, so I added orange blossom water.  Did it make them better?  I’m not sure, but it won’t hurt to add if you have it.
2. After lamenting the difficulty of procuring halva, I found this recipe.  It may be worth a try.

Frosé the Day

I am freshly back from a vacation in the Adirondack mountains.  It is the kind of place where you have to drive “into town” to get two-bar cellular service.  It is also about an hour away from anything beyond what you might find at a general store.  Normally, I consider these attributes charming and arrive back to the city feeling refreshed and appreciative that there is still a place with crystal clear lake water and actual video rentals you can hold in your hand.

Unfortunately, a few weeks prior I wound up in the emergency department on a Saturday evening with a posited fish and/or shellfish allergy and an allergist appointment conveniently scheduled for the end of July.  The only thing worse than a definitive allergy is a probable one, especially for someone who is already prone to panic attacks and a tendency to possess anxieties that many others do not.

The trip was particularly challenging as my family had planned a festive Fourth of July menu that included a mutiny of sea creatures, featuring live lobsters plus pounds of shrimp, U-10 scallops, and cherrystone clams.  Then someone forgot to pack the deli turkey that I had planned to use to make a sad sandwich for dinner. Leftovers of lobster bisque with scallops as big as cue balls and cocktail hour poached shrimp continued for days.

Events like this can make it feel like your family is subconsciously trying to kill you.  And this is an unpleasant feeling, particularly when the nearest hospital is at least one House of Cards episode away and the ocean-laced refrigerator looks like Donald J. Trump himself organized it.

Too bad! 

After a spread of mostly cheese, pretzels, plus a coconut cream pie found in a seafood-free Frigidaire at a local beer house, I succumbed to the realization that I was going to eat mostly garbage and an occasional prophylactic Benadryl on my vacation.

So after taking some sedatives and having a brief nap on the bow of a boat, I made some frosé. For those who have not yet had the pleasure, frosé is a delicious lipstick-colored frozen cocktail that combines the powers of rosé with that of a blender. 

It is not as sweet as other similarly vacation-prone drinks tend to be.  It is also quite refreshing thanks to the inclusion of lemon juice and a fresh strawberry syrup. You will want a deeply flavored wine, so avoid using any ballet slipper pink varieties or most bottles originating from Provence. They are too delicate. I have found the Mittelbach rosé from Austria, made from Zweigelt grapes, fills this role well.

Depending on the store you frequent, I recommend neglecting to mention that you are planning to freeze your wine into a semi-gentrified slushy.  The owner of my local wine shop tried to offer suggestions as I attempted to covertly pick out bottles for this task.  I said I did not want to reveal my intentions for fear of scorn.  To which the owner replied that he was already judging me.  I felt at home enough to laugh and then self-consciously wonder if he had somehow conspired with my siblings.

Anyway, the point of this story is that frosé is good and most people do, in fact, generally enjoy it—even a homicidal family with a penchant for fruits of the sea.  It is also a potential source of nourishment when other available food is slim. Plus after the second or third drink you might care a little less about everything. And that’s pretty much the whole idea behind both vacations and frosé anyway.

Frosé

Adapted from bon appétit

Ingredients:

• 2 bottles (750 ml each) of deeply colored rosé
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 pound of strawberries, hulled and quartered
• 5 ounces of fresh lemon juice
• 2 cups of crushed ice

Instructions:

In a shallow metal roasting pan (or baking dish capable of fitting 50 ounces of wine), pour in the wine.  Place in the freezer for at least 6 hours (it will become solid but will not completely freeze).  You can do this the night before if you like.

About an hour and a half before you plan to serve the beverage, bring the sugar and one cup of water to boil in a medium saucepan.  Stir occasionally until the sugar dissolves (this should only take a couple of minutes). 

Add in the strawberries and remove the pan from the heat. Let sit for 30 minutes to infuse the liquid.  The syrup will become bright pink. 

Strain it through a fine mesh sieve into a large measuring cup.  (Reserve the strawberries for another use.) Chill the syrup for 30 minutes or until cold.  Add in the lemon juice.

Scrape about half the rosé into a blender, along with half of the strawberry lemon syrup and one cup of the ice. Puree until well blended.  

Place the blender jar and liquid into the freezer for another 30 minutes.  This will help ensure the drink is nice and icy.  (If you happen to have two blenders now is the time to use them both so you can serve all the drinks at once.  Alternatively, you can place the first batch into a pitcher and then blend the remaining ingredients and chill both at once.)

Blend each batch again briefly to ensure the liquid is slushy before serving.

If you only have one blender, repeat with the remaining ingredients, allowing for another 30 minutes in the freezer for the second batch.

Makes eight to ten servings

Notes:

1. The original recipe made enough for four or five drinks, but I never seem to be in a place and time where that amount is all that is required, so I double the recipe and recommend you do too. 

Golden Spiced Bread is Sometimes Sexy

I have a friend who says being nauseated is a lot like being pregnant.  You either are or you are not.  There are no halvsies.  If you are feeling ill you will have very primeval thoughts about, say, a monkfish piccata dish you recently made. No one vomits with ambivalence and certainly not about a slippery to the touch fish that is described as having a “muddy brown color, mottled with lighter and darker brown speckles.”

I mention this because my intestines, while they technically work and thank god have not been operated on, are assholes. They have been since I was a teenager.  I am aware admitting this violates the one rule of food writing: you do not talk about innards.  The second rule of food writing: you do not talk about innards.

But this is not Bon Appétit.  So I will tell you that last Thursday night, after eating monkfish and drinking precisely one beer, I spent most of the early morning hours lying in a fetal position on my bathroom floor. Because my digestive tract is a delicate flower, or I likely had some form of food poisoning, or some combination thereof. 

Are you still with me?

The next day the only thing I could stomach—besides some lemon-lime Gatorade—was this cake. It is a very good recipe and I have made about five different versions of it, including one savory edition that included sun-dried tomatoes, which was a grave mistake.

Brett said that the dried nightshade rendition tasted like gingerbread that had taken a wrong turn.  Imagine it is Christmastime and you slice off a piece from a freshly baked loaf, intending to wash it down with some delicious eggnog, but instead of candied ginger or some brandy-soaked currants, you find embedded tomatoes.

It was not completely inedible, per se, but I would not recommend it. I also feel compelled to mention I come from a lineage where it is customary to save leftover tossed salad and eat the soggy vinegar-laden limp greens the next day. Suffice to say tomato gingerbread is not something I ever hope to taste again, and that is saying something.

The version presented today is much better.  It is a recipe I have been experimenting with for awhile, because I have a few gluten-free friends who deserve to eat quick breads like the rest of us.  It is also very low in fermentable carbohydrates called FODMAPs, which research indicates can worsen digestive woes, like the kind you might experience due to post-infectious irritable bowel syndrome. 

It also has a pleasing spongy texture and pretty burnt orange color thanks to the turmeric. Because it is not overly saccharine, you can eat it at any time of day, truly.  Plus it makes a fine first meal after a bout of food poisoning.

The original recipe calls it a “golden savory cake” which sounds very sexy, but is not entirely accurate unless you intend to make the bread for an enemy and add those sun-dried tomatoes. Otherwise, it still trends more sweet than savory, though not enough to label it as a cake and get away with it unscathed. Regardless, it is a very good blueprint.

I recently found it is further enhanced by adding a schmear of frosting, which negates some of my earlier assertions.  The frosting recipe I used comes from Kindred restaurant, where my good friend Justin is employed. Like most everything they seem to make, their cinnamon bun cream cheese frosting is the kind of thing the devil warns you about.

So there you have it.  Not the most seductive of food stories, but an honest one and a damn good recipe.  Plus something that anyone who has ever had food poisoning or a colicky colon can relate too, without ambivalence.

Golden Spiced Bread

Ingredients:

• ⅓ cup (55 grams) plus 1 tablespoon (10 grams) rice flour, divided
• 3 tablespoons (30 grams) potato starch
• 2 tablespoons (15 grams) tapioca flour
• ½ cup (60 grams) buckwheat flour
• ¾ teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 tablespoon (7 grams) ground turmeric
• ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon (or allspice)
• ½ teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1 teaspoon ground coriander
• ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper (or chili powder)
• 4 large eggs
• ¼ cup (55 grams) maple syrup
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• ½ teaspoon orange blossom water
• 2 tablespoons (20 grams) olive oil
• ¾ cup (170 grams) milk (see notes)
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 tablespoon (10 grams) apple cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons (20 grams) lemon juice
• ⅓ cup (50 grams) pistachios, roughly chopped
• ⅓ cup (50 grams) assorted dried fruit, roughly chopped (see notes)

Instructions:

Set the oven to 350 degrees.

Grease a standard loaf pan (9 x 5-inch) with a neutral oil, like canola oil. Line with a strip of parchment paper over the width of the pan, so that the parchment will hang over the sides a few inches. Grease the parchment with oil.

In a large bowl, sift together ⅓ cup rice flour, potato starch, tapioca, buckwheat, salt, and spices; set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, maple syrup, vanilla, orange blossom water, and oil; set aside.

In a large measuring cup, add the milk, baking soda, vinegar, and lemon juice; whisk to combine. (It should froth.)

Pour the wet ingredients (both the egg and the milk mixture) into the dry ingredients and whisk just long enough until everything melds together and the liquid becomes the consistency of pancake batter.

Pour the batter into your prepared loaf pan and bake for 40 to 50 minutes or until golden brown.  The loaf is done when the top is firm and springs back when touched (because you are using gluten-free flour a toothpick is not a reliable indicator of doneness).

Makes one loaf (enough for about 6 thick slices)

Notes:

1. Any milk (almond, lactaid, whole cow’s milk) could be used here.
2. My favorite version so far has involved dried mixed berries (blueberries, strawberries, etc.) as the fruit of choice, but dried cranberries are also very nice.
3. The original recipe uses almond flour instead of buckwheat, but almonds are higher in the type of carbohydrate that can cause digestive issues.  This is also true of the pistachios, so swap them for walnuts or pecans if you have a sensitive digestive system.
4. I realize this is a long list of ingredients, but it ensures that you end up with a bread that no one can tell is gluten-free. (Feel free to leave off orange blossom water if you do not have it.)